In 1973, a succubus climbed into bed with me. In 1986, I discovered it was Marilyn Monroe. On Christmas day, 1990, my Initiation as a Shaman began. The next day, I met Marilyn Monroe, as one of my Initiating Spirits, or "Allies" (from the works of Carlos Castaneda). We communicated through the Divining Rods, along with my other spirits. In late 2014, my Initiation as a Shaman finally dragged to an end, after heart attacks and strokes, and months of MM giving me chest pains as if they were Morse Code. I had defeated my Allies. It had been their intent to bring me to the bosom of Jehovah, their Master. But I had other plans. At the end of all this, the Nature God, Cernunnos, came to my rescue, and took my Allies into his paradise, the Garden of Eden. I could See them smiling and waving to me.
"Minerva, Goddess of War" introduced herself and began instructing me. In any given day, there are many episodes in the world of Spirit, here at Shamaland, my little apartment in the barrio of Yakima, Washington. These episodes string together in an on-going saga, day and/or night, and it's difficult to bring all the episodes together in my 72 year old memory. This episode begins with Minerva lying beneath me, imitating the Lord Shiva, in the Corpse Pose in yoga, where Shiva, all charcoal gray, entertains Shakti as she sits astride his erect Lingam, or male member. As I sat astride Minerva, her energy shot up through my perineum, up my Sushumna, and out the top of my head. (This is all in an "active vision", which occurs frequently here.) As the fountain of energy burst above my head, it carried the infant "Pan", another of the ancient Gods who have come to be with me. Apparently Minerva and I had generated a Pan of our own. (I have lots of children with a number of Spirit Wives.) Some details escape me at the moment, as this episode occurred over several days.
Some weeks ago, during a particularly bad time, I thought I needed a "Soul Retrieval", but decided against it, knowing it wouldn't work if the departed soul fragment did not feel it was safe to return. It was indeed not safe, I thought. So I decided to tough it out. As time went on, I began to see that the soul fragment was my Higher Self, or my "I". This seemed a severe setback!
One night I died in my sleep. I could see my bedroom as if it were daylight. I did not see my body in the bed. I was very alone, very confused, extremely sad. It was the sadness that I noticed. A few days later, I realized the sadness was because there was no "Me" in the room. I realized that "me" was the source of joy, of love. "I" has no heart. "I" was pure Awareness, as in Carlos Castaneda's works. I realized I would have to continue living as "Me", without that other completing soul part. I went about my business in the next days, still thinking about this situation.
Yesterday I sat in my Buddha Vortex to meditate on this. I realized that I needed the help of The Ancestors. I have had problems connecting with my ancestors, for various reasons, but yesterday, I realized that they were not the ones who could help me. I have gone too far beyond normal human reality. So I went into deep concentration. I saw myself morphing. I took on a slightly different shape and feel, and I noticed what appeared to be two small horns beginning to grow near the center of my brow. When I came out of meditation, I was struggling to make sense of this.
Last night, Marilyn Monroe woke me from my sleep. She has a way of making small farts right next to my ear. I can feel a puff of air, and a sort of electronic sickening "beep"… and then I heard her say, "Do not study this stuff." I got up and pondered. I got angry. I took a couple of aspirin and went back to sleep.
Today I meditated again. I realized the image I had seen yesterday was the baby Pan that Minerva and I had created, and that he was growing up. He was Me, was the only way I could describe it. I was growing up to be Pan. And then I had another realization.
I have taken a trip back in time, as it were. After the loss of the "I" soul fragment, Cernunnos and Minerva are re-building me, not to be the old person I was, but to be a new "Me" with a rebuilt "I" which is not in the Christian mold, but in the Pre-Christian, pagan, mold. My death in my sleep was the beginning of a sort of time travel into a re-formed present, in the form given my by the Old Gods.
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